Now days we have people who say, “I identify as” and fill in the blank. This is not just about gender roles. Shortly after the height of COVID, I heard some people say “I identify as vaccinated” to me I took that to imply they are not, but they could have been. So, I wanted to think about our identities and maybe reimage who we are. Specifically, I am doing this with myself and sharing it with you.
What is Identity
Did you know that your name and face are the two biggest things used to identify you? You walk into a party of friends they know your name and your face. Well some may not be good with one or the other, but you identify as understanding my point. Look at your ID cards, driver’s license, passport, work ID, you see your name and probably your face. These things also affect society norms and emotional experiences. Your name also can identify your culture, heritage, and more. Your name says a lot about you and in the age of world wide web it says more now than ever before.
Changing The Identity
In the U.S. many woman change their last name after getting married. I have seen it where sometimes a husband and wife create a new last name for themselves. I have seen LGBTQ+ couples take one or the others last name too. Some people choose to keep their last name. I am looking at the whole name. Which is more common than I originally thought and I have spent the past few years telling my son that we don’t change our names.
Name changes are a common occurrence, whether for personal or legal reasons. One of the primary benefits of changing one’s name is the ability to start fresh with a new identity. This can be especially beneficial for individuals who have gone through a difficult life experience or who are looking to start a new chapter in their life.
https://legalit.ai/pros-and-cons-of-changing-your-name/
Not only do name changes grant a fresh start, but the reason to change a name could be a problem with your own name.
A study from the 2000s led by US psychologist Jean Twenge, found that, even after controlling for family background and general dissatisfaction with life, people who didn’t like their own name tended to have poorer psychological adjustment. This was most likely either because their lack of confidence and self-esteem caused them to dislike their name or disliking their name contributed to their lack of confidence – “the name becomes a symbol of the self”, Twenge and her co-author wrote.
https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20210525-how-your-name-affects-your-personality
Reasons Why People Change Their Name
- Marriage/Divorce
- Dislike of their own name
- Damage from past trauma, hurts, etc.
- Bias from society
- Being their own person/reimaging themselves
- I am sure there are others
How Did I Start on this Path?
To me, it started as a joke. My son was mad at me and said, “You are so rude”. I quipped to my spouse that maybe I should change my name to “So Rude”. My spouse responded with numerous statement supporting me changing my name although not to “So Rude”. I began thinking on it and considering what I would be. First, I looked at names, but then I looked at my reasons why and then deeper.
My Reasons
First, I was named by someone without much life experience who throughout my life has shown their desire to be an only child; yes this was a sibling. As I grew up, my name was frequently misused and frequently substituted for “stupid”. Unfortunately, that became something I identified as and probably still struggle with. I was also frequently defined as “weak” and called “weakling”; something I further identified as. Throughout my life, my family has called me my first and middle name as if it was hyphenated and I have never understood why. It wasn’t just when I was in trouble either. There is a lot more trauma and hurts that I am not willing to go into; but I will say that it was emotional and physical and included having a gun aimed at me as a kid and the lies to cover that up.
The other reasons are to reimage myself, to show my personal growth and development as a human being, and to close the chapter that has been going on all my life. Also, when you adopt kids they can change their name and mine did and this will be a comradery thing with my kids.
Some may see pursuing this as running from the trauma and hurt, but I have had counseling and other healing things to deal with my past. This is more about being who I see myself to be. Some may think I am being pushed to do this and that couldn’t be further from the truth. If there is any pushing it is from within myself. My family is supporting me and we have seen how this can make a difference due to my kids’ experiences. There are very few outside my house that this has been shared with; most of my family has no idea unless they are reading this now.
The Process Begins
So at first I compiled a list of names and we voted as a family and eliminated quite a few. On like the third or fourth voting, my spouse wrote down a new name and I added it to what I anticipated being the final round of voting. The new name won, but I didn’t like it. We kept trying and we couldn’t find a name that I liked and my family liked or could see for me. We even let a select few friends and family in and still got nothing. My spouse suggested I think about what I want to be different about me as a person. So I thought on that for a couple of days, then sat down and wrote characteristics I want to exhibit. I came up with 11 thus far, but am still thinking on it. I also wrote a mission statement and vision statement for myself off of 10 of those characteristics. Some of the characteristics overlap but will provide better definition of the person I want to be.
Realizing the Name
As a part of my thought process for the characteristics and the statements, I realized the name that I feel fits me. Coincidentally, it was the one my spouse came up with, the one my family unanimously picked, the one I fought against because I did not think it fitted me. I have accepted that strength can be emotional and mental. I have physical strength but I am stronger emotionally and mentally. Also my parents were told to not expect children, they were told they got lucky with my sibling and it would never happen again. I was a gift from God to them. I like to think I was a gift of God to my children too. The names we selected mean strong gift of God. Since I realized the names I want, I have been a lot happier and feel some transitions happening!
A Word of Warning
In addition to the legal process, changing your name requires good supportive people. There are both positive and negative consequences to changing your name and reimaging who you are. I read another article that talks about the psychology behind changing your name, click here. If you are considering doing this for yourself, please read this article and do a deep thought process to make sure you have support and are ready for such a significant change.
Click HERE to read more about the progress and updates as the journey of reimagining and self discovery continues!